又一个用一生试图治愈童年伤痛的人离去了……

前不久惊闻56岁的爱尔兰女歌手Sinéad O’Connor突然离世，内心非常难过。她的歌声曾经陪我度过高中、大学时期的许多宝贵时光。喜欢她纯净、空灵的嗓音，喜欢她美丽、忧伤的眼睛，更喜欢她的特立独行，别人想把长相俊美的她包装着玉女形象在娱乐圈发展，她却直接把自己剃成了光头！

得知Sinéad O’Connor离世的消息后，她最出名的歌曲《Nothing Compares 2 U》一直在脑海中回响。学生时代首次听到这首歌就被深深触动，三十多年过去，再次聆听更觉震撼人心，忍不住热泪盈眶。

图一 图片来源：Sinéad O’Connor音乐视频

在此歌的音乐视频中，Sinéad O’Connor唱着唱着潸然泪下，晶莹的泪珠挂在秀美的脸宠上令人怜惜。她曾表示，“当我在音乐视频中演唱Nothing Compares 2 U时，我不知道自己会哭，因为我没有在录音室里哭……每次唱这首歌我都会想起我的妈妈，我从来没有停止过因为妈妈哭泣。因此，我无法面对在爱尔兰待了 13 年，我从来没有给家里打过电话，我花了25 年才停止哭泣。”（应该只是在表面上，内心哭泣了一辈子……）

笔者找到去年底去南极的冰川视频，配上这首歌以致敬Sinéad O’Connor，愿她的纯净歌声在天堂继续响起…..有些歌曲可以陪伴人一生，对我来说，《Nothing Compares 2 U》（无人可以取代你）算是其中一首，歌词如下：

It's been seven hours and 15 days

Since you took your love away

I go out every night and sleep all day

Since you took your love away

Since you been gone,

I can do whatever I want

I can see whomever I choose

I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant

But nothing

I said nothing can take away these blues

'Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here

Like a bird without a song

Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling

Tell me baby, where did I go wrong?

I could put my arms around every boy I see

But they'd only remind me of you

I went to the doctor, guess what he told me

Guess what he told me

He said, "Girl you better try to have fun, no matter what you do"

But he's a fool

'Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you

All the flowers that you planted mama

In the back yard

All died when you went away

I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard

But I'm willing to give it another try

Nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

Nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

Nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

倒数第二段的歌词提到了妈妈，“妈妈，你在后院里种下的所有花，它们都死了，都枯萎了。我知道和你生活，有时候是比较辛苦，但我真的愿意再试一次。没有任何事物，没有任何事物能与你相比。”

对于每位孩子来说，妈妈都是无人可以取代的，但不幸的是，世间总有孩子未能获得真正的母爱。有些妈妈以爱之名给予子女的爱是扭曲的、充满控制力的，使一直活在重压之下的孩子从最初的假装听话、乖巧，可能会逐渐地叛逆，只想逃脱。

图二 图片来源：Sinéad O'Connor

比起获得扭曲母爱的孩子，Sinéad O’Connor是不是更为不幸？她得到的居然是亲生母亲的残忍虐待。这位著名歌手曾在纪录片《Nothing Compares》及媒体中公开讲述童年时在母亲手中遭受的折磨，妈妈对她进行了身体虐待和性虐待。她称其为“野兽”和“魔鬼”，“我的母亲是一个非常暴力的女人，根本不是健康的女人。她在身体上、言语上、心理上、精神上和情感上均具有虐待性。”

八岁时Sinéad O’Connor的父母离婚，她从那时起到十三岁与母亲生活在一起。八岁半时曾被强迫在花园里睡了一、两个星期，尽管不断哀求，还是被妈妈拒绝进家，“我在黑暗中的花园里——直到今天我仍然讨厌天黑——抬头看着房子一侧唯一的窗户，她（妈妈）开着灯，我尖叫着求她让我进去，但她不肯，灯就灭了，房子就漆黑了。”她还称妈妈曾命令她脱光衣服，张开胳膊和腿躺在地板上。

13岁时Sinéad O’Connor搬去与父亲同住，15岁时发现了自己对唱歌的热爱，18岁搬到了伦敦并加入一支乐队，“我为什么喜欢表演和大声唱歌，我说话很轻，而且很孤僻，站在舞台尖叫是一种解脱”。

1985年2月，她年仅18岁时，母亲在一场车祸中丧生。但母亲的离世并不代表童年伤痛的消失，Sinéad O’Connor的一生都在试图治愈童年伤痛，但谈何容易？她曾在采访中透露，之所以进入音乐领域是为了“治疗”，以应对母亲施虐给自己造成的创伤。

图三 图片来源：Sinéad O’Connor音乐视频

在1987 年专辑《狮子与眼镜蛇》（The Lion and the Cobra）中的首张单曲《特洛伊》（Troy）中，她以音乐表达了对母亲残酷惩罚的记忆，“这是第一首我向任何人讲述发生过事情的歌曲，就像创伤治疗”。但事实上后来她不再演唱这首歌，因为每次唱她都会想起母亲，无法控制自己的情绪。

I'll remember it

And Dublin in a rainstorm

And sitting in the long grass in summer

Keeping warm

I'll remember it

Every restless night

We were so young then  

We thought that everything

We could possibly do were the right

Then we moved

Stolen from our very eyes  

And I wondered where you went to

Tell me when did the light die

You will rise

You'll return

The phoenix from the flame

You will learn  

You will rise

You'll return

Being what you are

There is no other Troy

For you to burn

And I never meant to hurt you

I swear I didn't mean  

Those things I said

I never meant to do that to you

Next time I'll keep my hands to myself instead

Oh, does she love you

What do you want to do?

Does she need you like I do?

Do you love her?

Is she good for you?

Does she hold you like I do?

Do you want me?

Should I leave?

I know you're always telling me  

That you love me

Just sometimes I wonder  

If I should believe

Oh, I love you

God, I love you

I'd kill a dragon for you

I'll die

But I will rise  

And I will return

The Phoenix from the flame

I have learned

I will rise

And you'll see me return

Being what I am

There is no other Troy

For me to burn

And you should've left the light on

You should've left the light on

Then I wouldn't have tried

And you'd never have known

And I wouldn't have pulled you tighter

No I wouldn't have pulled you close

I wouldn't have screamed

No I can't let you go

And the door wasn't closed

No I wouldn't have pulled you to me

No I wouldn't have kissed your face

You wouldn't have begged me to hold you

If we hadn't been there in the first place

Oh but I know you wanted me to be there oh oh

Every look that you threw told me so

But you should've left the light on

You should've left the light on

And the flames burned away

But you're still spitting fire

Make no difference what you say

You're still a liar

You're still a liar

You're still a liar

图四 图片来源：Sinéad O’Connor音乐视频

从这首歌的MV中，你可以在Sinéad O’Connor当时还很年轻的面孔中读到一位幼小女童深深的忧伤和恐惧，以及对关爱的期盼。父母啊，别以为孩子小不懂事，他们的心灵什么都记得，无论是悲伤还是快乐。童年的悲痛和阴影，Sinéad O’Connor牢记了一辈子，永远无法走出。

缺乏母爱的她渴望母爱，也愿意传递母爱，但也许是由于童年的阴影，她被诊断为有躁郁症，双向情感障碍，曾经一度自杀，并被指控为“不负责任”的母亲。在她最后的社交媒体帖子中，Sinéad O’Connor在推特上发布了一张已故儿子的照片，并写道：“从那以后，我就一直像不死的夜间生物一样生活。他是我一生的挚爱，我灵魂的灯。我们是一个灵魂，被分成了两半。他是唯一一个无条件地爱我的人。没有他，我就迷失了。”

Sinéad O’Connor也尝试去爱那些缺乏关爱的不幸儿童，作词并演唱的歌曲“This Is to Mother You“十分抚慰人心。在文章最后，笔者将这首歌送给所有渴望爱的孩子和成人，愿外界带给孩子的童年伤痛小些再小些……

This is to mother you

To comfort you and get you through'

Through when your nights are lonely

Through when your dreams are only blue

This is to mother you

This is to be with you

To hold you and to kiss you, too

For when you need me I will do

What your own mother didn't do

Which is to mother you

All the pain that you have known

All the violence in your soul

All the wrong things you have done

I will take from you when I come

All mistakes made in distress

All your unhappiness

I will take away with my kiss, yes

I will give you tenderness

For child I am so glad I found you

Although my arms have always been around you

Sweet bird although you did not see me I saw you

And

I'm here to mother you

To comfort you and get you through

Through when your nights are lonely

Through when your dreams are only blue

This is to mother you

参考消息来源：thesun，hollywoodlife，dailymail，mirror，世界音乐